Out of the Mouths of Nephews

Cars can be dangerous.

So, I've just found out, can ten year old nephews.

It started out as such a lovely day, bright and sunny, just me and the Nephew on a boy's day out. The plan was for him and me to do a bit of walking and birdwatching in the countryside and then to meet up with his sister and the Beloved for a coffee later in the day.

We drove out through the fields and lanes as planned - well, technically I drove as his booster seat stops him reaching the pedals - and all went well until we reached our destination. The car park was unexpectedly bursting at the seams with vehicles occupying all the parking spaces and much of the surrounding road area too. Who knew so many people would be out on a sunny school holiday? Luckily someone was just backing their Mercedes out of a space as I arrived. I waited for them to move but soon realised that there was no room for them to get past us due to the illegally parked cars down one side of the road.

Being well brought up I did the decent thing and reversed out of the way to allow the other car room to get out. I squeezed my little Fiesta as far as I could up to the kerb but it still wasn't good enough. I'd have to do a little off-roading. I backed the car on to the little grass verge, leaving ample room for the Mercedes to get through. Sadly though I think I may have been a little over-enthusiastic in my reversing.

No driver likes to hear an unexpected crunch and I'm no exception. I applied the handbrake and screwed my eyes tight for a moment as I composed myself. When I opened them I saw the Nephew staring at me in surprise, his mouth open almost as wide as his eyes. We looked at each other for a moment before he broke the silence. with a phrase that only a young boy could get away with in the circumstances.

'Uncle Shaun,' he said as a massive grin spread over his face. 'You are in SO much trouble!'

As tension breakers go it was a good one. We hurried around the back of the car to see what damage I'd done and miraculously found that the car had escaped with just the tiniest scratch to its bumper. However the same couldn't be said for the wooden fence that I'd completely flattened. As s standard wooden fence it was clearly no longer fit for purpose, though it now had a new function as a very small boardwalk.

Of course I reported it but to be honest the owner was much less concerned than I was. 'Ah, it was falling down anyway, don't worry.' So I didn't worry, just considered myself fortunate that the situation hadn't been worse.

The whole thing was clearly the highlight of the Nephew's week, if not month and he couldn't wait to see the Beloved. As soon as we arrived at the deli where we'd arranged to meet he ran up to her and announced in a voice loud enough to cause everyone there to splutter into their cappuccinos, 'Guess what, Auntie? Uncle Shaun killed a fence. It was BRILLIANT!'

And as days go, I think it probably was.

 

© Shaun Finnie 2014