Did I scare you? It’s the time of year for general
spookiness, when the nights are cold and dark but generally clear and dry. At
least that’s what the weather people tell us it’s historically been like in
mid-Autumn. Not this year though – it’s mostly wet and grey around here. I
think that a peek out of the window is required before I venture outside. And
fireworks? Damp squibs are the order of the day I suspect.
Hallowe'en and Bonfire Night both give us good reasons to go
out and party, or hide behind the sofa depending on how social you’re feeling.
Or maybe you’re just terrified of the local kids with their trick-or-treats and
their bangers. Innocent fun or heathen licenced thuggery and theft: your call.
Two of Britain’s most ancient celebrations just happen to
fall in the same week; just how lucky is that? Really? I suspect that it’s
nothing to do with luck and more to do with the Catholic Church fiddling with
our calendar. They did it when they picked a fairly random date to celebrate
Christmas, so why not these two?
And the clocks have gone back too, meaning that somehow
there are many more hours of darkness than this time last week. This means that
many of us now go to work in the dark and come home in the dark. The farmers
and muggers must love it.
So at this most fearful time of the year when the veil
between the realms of the living and the dead is (allegedly) at its thinnest, what
scares you? Me? Well it’ll come as no surprise to those who know me well to
find that clowns terrify me. My coulrophobia to give it its posh name) isn’t as
bad as it used to be, but I still don’t like to even see a clown, let alone
have any interact with one. Real clowns, puppets, toys, even paintings of
clowns, all put the fear of clowns up me. I know what you lot are getting me
for Christmas now.
I’m told that it’s a much more common phobia than
non-sufferers imagine. I know that a lot of my irrational fear comes from
watching films like Tim Curry’s sublime ‘It’ and the ridiculous foam rubber
creations in ‘Killer Klowns from Outer Space’, but I think that my inner terror
is much more deep-seated than that. It’s a fear of all masks really. They all
seem so unnecessary to me. What’s hidden underneath there? What does the
so-called funny man have to hide? And in modern Britain, clowns aren’t regarded
as all that funny either by most people. They’re a relic of bygone cabarets,
ghosts of a dead comedy form.
So now it’s your turn. Turn down the lights, pull a chair up
to the fire and tell us: what are you afraid of?
© Shaun Finnie 2011
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