I Want to Turn My Brain Off!

I’m a writer. I write. I get up and turn on my laptop. Then I write, all day long. Eventually I’ll log off and have my evening meal. When that’s done I tell myself that I’ve stopped working for the day, which is why I never turn my laptop back on after, say, seven pm (I eat early). But I always make sure that I have a notebook and pen close to hand just in case inspiration strikes (as it so often does) when it’s least expected. So even when I’m chatting with my Beloved, watching a film, sitting in the pub, even at these times I’ve still not really finished writing because the thoughts are still there, the stories are still growing, bubbling, fermenting away at the back of my mind. My characters are still living their little back-stories in my subconscious whether I want them to or not. And I even dream new ideas. I’ve been known to keep a notebook in the bathroom so that I can scribble things in the middle of the night without waking my Beloved. I might wake her regularly because I’m a heavy snorer (apparently), but never because I’m an author.

Now that I’m living my dream of being a full-time writer I find that it really is full time. Like Moira Shearer in ‘The Red Shoes’, I can’t stop. (Come on, I can’t be the only fan of 1940’s ballet movies, can I? Or perhaps you’re more a devotee of the 2005 Korean horror version?)

New ideas dribble out of me constantly, oozing like a stream of consciousness. I’d love for them to pour forth, but at the moment I’ll accept a little trickle. I can‘t keep up with them as it is. I start hundreds of stories and articles, but only finish a fraction. In some cases I realise that the quality of the piece isn’t what I initially thought and I pull the plug on it, but many times it’s simply that I’ve thought of something new – and new equals exciting. I simply can’t find the enthusiasm to finish the job in hand.

That’s the difference between nature and nurture I guess, the inborn talent versus the craft and graft of the author’s trade.  My fear is that I’ve had some fantastic ideas and missed them while I was concentrating on the mediocre ones that I’ve continued to work on. And as I haven’t yet developed a good quality filter, I’m trying to do them all.

Even the best ideas need polishing. Mine certainly aren’t the best that mankind has ever had, but they won’t even be seen by anyone else unless I finish them off. And I don’t mean finish off as in polish, bump or knock off. I mean that I have to complete something.

Just like this.

© Shaun Finnie 2011