I'd like to point something out, something that all shops
and media seem to have forgotten. It's a simple message, just six words, but I
feel it's important to get it off my chest.
There's still a month to go.
We still have a week of November left. It's nowhere near
Christmas yet so why are they already trying to whip us into a festive frenzy? The
run-up to the big event seems to start earlier each year, destroying the magic
of Christmas. Whatever your religious views, is there really any fun to be had
in starting shopping for the festive celebrations while the deciduous trees are
still green?
Carry on like this and by the third week of December I'll
have exploded in a starburst of tinsel and cranberries. It's too early. It's
too early. I keep telling myself that but it's no good. I have a stupid amount
of writing to fit in between now and Christmas so the earlier I can get my
shopping done the better. Christmas shopping in huge crowds drives me crazy.
I think that somewhere, probably in the depths of one of the
Catholic Church's secret vaults known only to the Pope and Dan Brown, there's a
special annotated version of the Bible. It has an extra line with an extra
promise from God detailing how he would, at an unnamed date in some far flung
future, repay his followers for creating the shopping frenzy of Christmas. It
will contain just one extra line, reading as follows:
"And lo, on the several billionth day, God created
Amazon."
I, for one, am very thankful.
Today is known as Black Friday in America, the day when many
people turn their thoughts from the Thanksgiving holiday towards preparing for
Christmas. This time of year, when December is itching to be uncovered on my
calendar and we've already seen the first snow of the season, seems a much more
civilised time to start, not the end of October (which is when I first heard
"I Believe in Father Christmas" playing in a shop). It's Cyber Monday
in a couple of days too, the day when more money gets spent on online shopping
than any other, apparently.
Much as face-to-face interactions are sometimes nice, if you
want to avoid the crowds the it's much better to stop at home and settle down
with a coffee and a well-prepared list in front of your screen and keyboard. I
spent an afternoon like that this week, in blissful isolation, clicking away
and handing my Visa details over to the Russian Roulette of the virtual
bankers. Within a few hours pretty much all my Christmas presents were ordered.
If the Royal Mail can manage not to go on strike for just a few weeks then
maybe my family will get their presents on time.
But some things you can't really buy online. Some things
have to be seen or felt to know that they'll be the right gift for the right
person. And that they'll fit. With that in mind I decided to take my annual 'do
everything in a morning' shopping trip to my local massive mall this week. It's
a huge indoor shopping centre, one of the biggest in Europe. It's fine when
it's relatively empty but the busier it gets the less I enjoy it. Guess how
full it's starting to get already? So I employed my standard Christmas shopping
strategy - get in, get done, get out before most people have even got out of
bed. It worked a treat and I got everything that I needed but it was still far
too busy for my liking. Last Tuesday morning was as heaving as a normal Saturday
afternoon.
And I heard Greg Lake telling me how he'd woke with a yawn at the
first light of dawn far more times than was enjoyable.
So I've done three separate sets of Christmas shopping this
week. The hellish one at the large shopping centre, the pleasant afternoon
spent at home in front of my laptop, and yesterday a wonderful trip to a
Christmas fair and market in the grounds of my (relatively) local stately home,
Chatsworth House. For those of you who don't know it, think of it as being
halfway between Downton Abbey and Buckingham Palace, both in size and in
poshness. It was decked with classy trimmings and there was no piped music,
just a hurdy gurdy and a brass band. The smells of cooked pig and roasted
chestnuts filled the air as did the mist of my breath in the cold, damp
atmosphere of a beautifully clear end of Autumn day.
I bought no presents whatsoever, just wandered around a load
of food and craft stalls. The only things I bought were some cheese and a jar
of jam. My wallet stayed relatively full but my stomach became even fuller as I
sampled as many edible wares as I could. Bliss.
Now that's the way to kick off my Christmas preparations.
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