Infuriation Calling

I received a very unwanted phone call this week. Rather than describe what happened I'll record it here, pretty much verbatim, so that you'll know exactly how to handle the situation if you're unlucky enough to receive a similar call.

Phone: Ring ring

Shaun:  Hello?

Caller:   Hello, is that Mr Finnie?

Shaun: Who's calling?

Caller:   Hello sir. This is [foreign call centre for a large multi-national financial institution]. Can you confirm a few security details for me please?

Shaun:  What's this about?

Caller:   Would you just confirm your full name and date of birth for me please sir?

Shaun:  No.

Caller:   (slightly taken aback) Sorry?

Shaun:  No. I'm confirming nothing until you tell me what this call is about.

Caller:   I'm sorry sir, I need to confirm your security details before can continue. So can I have your full name and date of birth for me please?

Shaun:  No. Is there something wrong with Mr Finnie's account?

Caller:   Oh no sir, nothing like that.

Shaun:  Is Mr Finnie in some kind of trouble?

Caller:   No, not at all.

Shaun:  So is this a sales call?

Caller:   Well sir, we'd like to explain some exciting opportunities with you, so if you'd just answer a few security questions...

Shaun:  This is [large multi-national financial institution], correct?

Caller:   Yes sir.

Shaun:  The same [large multi-national financial institution] that employed me for over twenty years until recently?

Caller:   Er...

Shaun:  But of course if you really were from [large multi-national financial institution] you'd already be aware of that fact, wouldn't you?

Caller:   Er...

Shaun:  and you'd also be aware that one of the first things that they drum into their customers and staff is that you should never, ever, give out your personal security information in any telephone calls that you didn't instigate yourself.

Caller:   Er...

Shaun:  So, as I'm sure that you wouldn't want me to compromise my own or the bank's security by giving that information to a phone call that I didn't make or ask for, you'll understand that I won't be confirming or denying any details right now.

Caller:   But sir, you'll be missing out on all the great offers that I have for you.

Shaun:  Let me make sure that I understand:  If I refuse to give you my security details then you won't be able to cold call me with your unwanted telesales pitch?

Caller:   (resignedly) Well, basically... yes.

Shaun:  Thank you. Goodbye, and have a wonderful day.

So there you go. Lesson learned. Never give out any details to a cold caller. That's what my bank told me. It seems pretty good advice.

Of course, there's another way of dealing with these unwanted calls. Simply repeat the following in a stilted voice -

'I'm sorry, I'm unavailable right now. Please leave your message after the click....'