Wash Your Mouth Out

‘I’m not a racist but…’

I’m guessing that you’ll have heard those words sometime in your life. And if you have, then you’ll know what comes next – the person whose mouth they came out of invariably goes on to say something which many people would interpret to mean that they are indeed a racist of the highest order.

The same thing goes for sexism. ‘I’m not a sexist, but…’, before launching into some tale attacking whichever gender isn't represented among the speaker or listeners. Or ageism. ‘ I've nothing against the kids of today, but…’  Some people just love denying that they have a problem with anyone from a social or political group to which they themselves do not belong. With this in mind and a sizable spoonful of irony here’s my rant of the week.

I’m not a prude, but… how come young comedians (and comediennes – I’m not sexist) feel the need to swear profusely in their stage routines? Now I’m a proper Northern bloke who can eff and blind along with the best of them – years of suffering on the terraces watching Sheffield United will do that to a man – but when did it become normal everyday speech as far as stand-up comedy is concerned? In the ‘sixties Lenny Bruce fought important freedom of speech battles against the authorities, finding his humour in the absurdity of obscenity laws. His use of language that hadn’t been heard on stage up to that point was ground-breaking. And here in Britain a decade later the likes of Billy Connolly pushed the boundaries of industrial language using the shock factor to illicit embarrassed laughter alongside genuine observational wit. For many people this was the first time they’d heard these words uttered in polite company and they didn't know whether to laugh or hide in shame. It was a perfect example of the shock of the new.

But now? Most live comedy shows are littered with swear words without any reason. The difference between seeing a comedian’s act on a BBC show or on a live DVD is staggering. Four-letter expletives can appear in every sentence as a potty-mouthed garnish. I have to ask, why? Occasionally I can understand they’re used for emphasis but mostly it’s simple unthinking punctuation. The comic scatters them throughout their act in a way that they wouldn’t if they were, say, at a bakers buying some bread. “I’d like six rolls and an uncut ****ing bloomer please” would be completely unacceptable to most people so why do we have a need for “This nun goes into a ****ing chemists”?

What strikes me most is the sheer amount of expletives that they deliver. Add the number of unnecessary words up over the length of their act and then realise; these unnecessary interjections take the place of well-thought out comedy. They eat up time for no reason. They actually rob the audience of a couple of good jokes over a set. A few years ago, as an experiment, Frank Skinner cut all the swearing out of his act for just one night during a tour. The show went really well and the audience laughed just as hard and in just the same places as on the other nights of his tour. They hadn’t even noticed the change that he’d made to his delivery. The only difference was that his act was quite a bit shorter than usual.

So is there any real need for it? Comedians who pepper their shows with words I wouldn’t use in front of my mother aren’t shocking or proving any political point. They’re actually committing the worst sin that any entertainer can commit. They’ve become boring.