Friday 3 February 2012

Taxman

I made an important phone call this week. I phoned my tax office. I know, talking with Her Majesty’s Revenue and Customs office is something that’s usually as pleasant as having root canal work done or watching reruns of X-Factor, but this time it was a call that I was pleased to make.

'Hello. My name is Shaun Finnie and I’m an author.’ That introduction was part pride, part guilty admittance and wholly necessary. But it was my next sentence that was really scary. ‘I’d like to register as being self employed please.’ There we go, It’s official. I now make my living primarily as a writer and I pay my taxes as such.  So in buying some of my work you’ll ultimately help some poor but talented child attain his dream of a university degree, or maybe ease the pain of a kindly old lady in a hospital bed in Nuneaton. Or contribute to decimating a sandy bit of Asia that you can’t find on a map. Sadly you don’t get to choose.
But – working under the foolish assumption that my work has some artistic merit – how can they tax ‘art’? How can they put a price on the joy, revulsion or any other emotional reaction that a good artwork might evoke?

If it’s on the price that the artist sells it for then Van Gough’s work is worthless, as he was only paid for one piece during his entire life. I’ve managed more than that: does that make me a ‘better’ artist than dear old deaf ‘n’ dead Vinny?
Or maybe it’s on the perceived amount of pleasure that the artist’s body of work brings to the masses? If that’s the case then the collected music of Sir Paul McCartney would result in him being taxed at about 90% of his earnings I’d guess, whereas a more controversial figure such as Tracey Emin might see her income tax rate drop to a negligibly low figure, 4% or so.

As for my writing? Well if it’s on the amount of happiness that I give to a buying public then I suspect that I’d be in line for a tax rebate. But just think: when the country’s collective chest swells with national pride at the start of the London Olympics I’ll be able to humbly claim that the tax pennies obtained from my writing has contributed towards their success in some tiny way. Probably a bolt underneath plastic seat number 148F.
So how come I still couldn’t get any tickets?


© Shaun Finnie 2012

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