Half A Job

If you're a plumber, accountant or shop assistant then you have a useful occupation. You provide a service that somebody wants, even if that somebody is just your boss telling you what they want you to do. Someone wants you to do a task, you do it and you get paid. Assuming that it's a regular job then that pattern continues indefinitely. Or until you tell your boss what you really think about them after one too many tequila slammers at the Christmas party.

An artist (and I consider authors in that category) doesn't do a useful job. Their work is not a basic human requirement. We are 'extras' in life's drama, and we don't have the luxury of a (more or less) guaranteed income. Sure, some of our work is done to commission and if you're at the very top of your game then you may be given a long-term contract to produce a certain amount of work but for most of us at the bottom of this particular business heap that's not the case. We're effectively living in a permanent artistic Dragon's Den, pitching our work and, much of the time, hearing a version of "I'm out" in reply. That's if we hear anything at all. Far too many times the only reply I get from commissioning editors and agents is a deafening silence.

Struggling artists don't only have to do the work but they have to promote it too. We lock ourselves away in our garrets, rehearsal rooms or studios and hone our craft until it's the best that we can make it, but that's only the starting point to getting it in front of an audience and receiving even the tiniest financial reward. There also has to be countless letters, manuscripts, emails, meetings. This is the side that nobody talks about, the process of selling your work. And this is the part of my business at which I'm particularly bad. Spectacularly so to the point where my letterbox is used even less frequently than my bank paying-in book.

I've seen advice from "experts" suggesting that an artist should spent 65% of their time creating their work and the other 35% promoting it. That goes against every instinct that I have. At the moment the ratio is probably more like 100% vs zero for me. I write because I have to, because it's in my soul. If I wanted a proper job working in sales then I'd have applied for one. As things are then I still may have to someday soon but that's beside the point.

It's time that I got more comfortable with this promoting my business business and the best way I know to become comfortable with something is just go out and do it.

So…

BUY MY BOOKS!   TELL ALL YOUR FRIENDS!

How was that? Am I a salesman yet?

© Shaun Finnie 2014

An Error of Comedies

When I was a teenager I wrote some comedy radio sketches for a local radio station. They were kind enough to broadcast them (though not kind enough to pay me) and, after years of dreaming, I began to realise that there might be something in this writing lark after all. I wrote some parodies for a few magazines which were also published, though I still got no cash. I guess it could have been the start of a beautiful career but, to tell the truth, my heart wasn't in it.

Don't get me wrong, I love writing comedy and it's great to hear people laugh at something I've created but it's just not for me in the long run. For one thing I was never going to be a stand-up comedian. I could never appear on stage with nothing but my wit to hide behind. I have nothing but respect for those who do it, especially those who get particularly bad crowd responses yet still plug on regardless. That must take a particular kind of bravery. Or stupidity in repeating the same mistakes night after night.

But the main reason that I don't particularly fancy a career writing comedy is that it's so divisive. Like Marmite, Margaret Thatcher or Manchester United, people tend to either love a particular style of comedy or hate it with a passion. It's not like other fields of writing where readers either like your work or simply ignore it, dismissing it as 'not for me'. It's the same with music. You may dislike someone's musical output but you're unlikely to berate someone else simply for liking them.

But comedy seems to be different. I've been to see three comedy shows recently, all of which were quite dissimilar to the others. In each instance when I've told friends that I've been going I've had some of them smile and say that they wished they were going too. And also in each case I've had others say that they don't like the particular act in question. Fair enough. But their objections have ranged from the mild ("what do you want to go and see them for, they're rubbish?") to the frankly offensive, as if I were somehow implicit in their dislike of the artists in question.

Writing for a living is a thankless enough task as it is, with the letterbox bringing many more rejection letters than cheques. I certainly don't want to get into a section of the business where even your successes are met with catcalls.

With that in mind I think it's probably safer to continue writing novels that nobody reads.

© Shaun Finnie 2014

Remember the Flashing Neon

I've invited a guest blogger to contribute to this edition of 'Dammit, I'm A Writer'. He's an old friend and… well, I'll let him speak for himself.

Remember the flashing neon

Hello, I’m James Hallsworth, a thirty-something father of two living in the glorious city of Sheffield.  I’m publishing my first children’s picture book and embarking on an adventure which could completely transform my life.  I’m here to tell you just a little (but important) bit about it…

I’ve learnt a lot of things in my nearly-forty years on this planet - most of which are only useful in pub quizzes – but the one thing I’ve learned recently is not to give up on your dreams.  It sounds twee I know - don’t click that ‘x’ button - let me explain.

The trick of course, is to know what your dreams are in the first place.  Some lucky people seem to be born with an innate and powerful sense of what they want to do and how to do it (these people don’t need to read any further); I, on the other hand, had to wait more than thirty years until I finally figured it out. 

When I decided to make a stab at writing for a living, the ubiquitous advisory warning was “it’s extremely difficult to get published”.  This is certainly true, but the best and truest mentors always add “…but do not give up” - this should be signposted in flashing neon and given to every writer, or indeed anyone who is trying to make a living from doing something that they enjoy.

Like all un-published authors I have accumulated a substantial collection of soul-destroyingly impersonal rejection letters and experienced the long, dark tea time of the soul writing in an isolated bubble without meaningful feedback, while also trying to hold down an unfulfilling day job.  But, just I was losing faith, I got lucky; I found someone willing to help me to achieve my dream, and offer expertise, contacts and a metaphorical arm around the shoulder.  Now, although I’m still not officially published, I know how close I came to giving up on my hopes and I’m infinitely wiser having stared into the abyss.

Ask yourself, why do you do what you do?  Is it to make money or because you enjoy it?  If it’s the latter, then you’re better off than those doing the former.  Please don’t give up and keep reminding yourself of why you’re doing it every time you have a bad day or disappointment. Your dream just might be around the corner, just as mine was…

...remember the flashing neon.

Big thanks to Shaun for inviting me to guest on his site, and for his sage advice.

My latest children’s picture book (illustrated by the wonderful Helen Braid) is called Mrs Vyle and is available to order now for £6.99 via www.britainsnextbestseller.co.uk/index_php/book/index/Mrs Vyle. 

Mrs Vyle is a deliciously disgusting tale full of slobber, smells and funny noises that adults will enjoy reading as much as children will love listening to.

You can follow me and catch up on latest news about Mrs Vyle at:

Facebook: www.facebook.com/jameshallsworthchildrensauthor

Twitter: @james_h1975

Web: jamesh1975writer.wordpress.com

Taboo You

Are there any subjects that you wouldn't write about, or want your favourite authors to write about?

I ask because I've recently read a story that started out as a 'normal' (whatever that means) soap opera-style family drama but took a dramatic twist halfway through. It was a very dark twist that I felt very uncomfortable reading and certainly won't be discussing on my own website. You never know what keywords Google is searching for. Suffice to say that it involved the very unpleasant demise of a minor. Now I know that horror stories involving children have been around for generations, certainly since the days of Wilkie Collins and his unforgettable, brilliant 'Turn of the Screw', but this particular story has lodged itself in my brain and keeps popping back into my consciousness to disturb me anew. This is, I guess, a kind of compliment to the author. I could never write something as affective as that. Of course I could also never write something like 'Fifty Shades of Grey' or anything in the formulaic style of D*n Br*wn but this was different. The writing was excellent for starters and the characters were engaging to the point where I was actually upset when the bad things happened to them. I'd love to write with that kind of intensity and conviction and yet I could no more create a story containing that kind of medically graphic horror than I could convincingly write about…

Well, I don't know really. I try to tell myself that no subject is off limits to a good author, that they should be able to turn their hand to any writing style - especially if the pay is good enough. I don't like to pretend. I write because I love it, certainly, but also I do it to pay the bills (or at least as many of them as it allows me to). I could even discover a hitherto deeply hidden love of tennis, Lancashire or D*n Br*wn if you put enough noughts on the cheque to make me write about these things.

That's the beauty of being a writer. Our imaginations allow us to visit situations as diverse as euphoria and death without ever having to actually experience them. Assuming that we've done our research well enough - and that means more than a quick scan through Wikipedia - then we could theoretically commit any crime ever invented. We could even, if we're good enough, create a completely fresh original sin. We're confined only by the strength of the voices in our heads and the way we react to them. How closely do we want to sail towards the boundaries of our society's taboos?

But we're also guided by our readers. We can write whatever dark fantasies we desire but if the people who normally read our work are used to us producing happy tales of fluffy bunnies and unicorns then we'll turn them away in droves. Or, in my case, tens. Whether we like it or not, writing is a business like any other. We have to stay within our target audience's tolerances.

And for me, the guy whose book I recently read crossed the line. Although it was an excellent book, I won't be back for the sequel.

And one final thing. Please don't ask what the novel that kick-started this blog was. I'm trying to forget it.

© Shaun Finnie 2014